Monday, 06 April 2009
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(S58) How she shook my hand
(When I started this blog, my intention was to write the patient story My First Post but I have been writing fewer and fewer. One reason was that I did not want to go back to them because it was sad. So don't bother to read them if you don't like sad stuff.)
Ling put out her hand, and simultaneously, I put out mine. We shook hands. I knew it was a gesture to say goodbye and (maybe) thanks too. She was very ill already and spoke in a very soft voice that I could hardly hear.When Ling was admitted, she had pains.
"I have pains all around here," Ling showed me the painful parts with her hand.
"Did the medication help?" I inquired.
"Not much. I may have to undergo the surgery but as I am living alone, I don't know what to do. Who will take care of me after the surgery?" said Ling with a sigh.
(Her husband died a few years ago and her son and daughter are in China.)So investigations (outrasound, CT Scan, etc.) were done and the condition of Ling was deteriorating.
After a few days.
Ling was still thinking about the surgery and she told me, "I am getting weaker. I am afraid if I can take the surgery."
Then one day the doctor told her it might not be good for her to have the surgery.
"I may not do the surgery and I am going to see the oncology doctor tomorrow," Ling told me.
I nodded and sat with her for a while. She told me how they came and worked here .......
Next day, Ling told me, "The oncology doctor told me there's no need to do anything."
"Were you disappointed?" I asked.
"No. If that's the case, I hope it'll be sooner. There's no point to last longer."
These were her comments to her "anticipating death", no grievance, no bargaining but the only hope that it would not be too painful or suffering.
She then decided that she would go back to China. The doctor did not recommend in view of her physical condition, but as it was her last wish, arrangements were made. Her daughter and son came to accompany her and I was glad that she made it.
News came that she passed away!
And I remember how she shook my hand!©
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Comments (14)
this is really sad. the reason i will never be a nurse or a doctor, these events simply wrecks my heart :(
welcome back!!!! i thought you disappeared or something...
without sadness we do not appreciate other emotions. we tend to not want to deal with sadness or death, and therefore our children grow up not having any idea how to handle such things. We should learn to embrace that which is part of life in such a way that is not a 'wallowing' but an evolution of moving through one experience to another. Death is the opposite of birth. Life has no opposite.
You are showing us how to view such events in a positive way. That is not sad if you really think about it! :)
This is really sad, and heart wrenching. I always feel sorrowful whenever I encounter people crying over the death of a loved one. And even though I face issues of life & death almost everyday at work in the hospital, I can never be immune to emotions in situations like this.
ryc: thank you for the wishessssssss!
Oh heck! I am sorry.
@RestlessButterfly - Was this about someone special to you? Such a sad story, so beautifully written!
I am sorry for your loss!
Sadness is part of life, as much as happiness. I am sorry for your loss. The thing is, with loss, we appreciate what we have gained.
@lonelywanderer2 - To lose someone/something is the saddest thing.
This is truly sad. At least Ling got the opportunity to go to China to be with her son and daughter. She died among loved one, not alone. And I know that you must have meant something to her also for her to shake your hand. She confided in you and that too had to have been an immense comfort for her until the end.
I am so glad that Ling was able to return to China. Sometimes it feels incomprehensible that someone who was just here, holding our hand, is now gone and we cannot ever find them here again.
Sometimes it is good to share sad moments and not just turn away.
How are you?Judi
I really can't take it when people are in pain and the people around those people are also in pain because of that. You're brave, you know that? If I were in that situation, I don't know, I might break to see people suffer and all that.
How are you anyway? I've been gone for awhile.